"Well," I said, and took a deep breath, "my dad showed up on a motorcycle and my mom who claims not to like him stuck a broom in the spokes yesterday as he buzzed our front yard and he ended up flying through the air and stabbing himself on a tree branch, so then I thought she liked him again but it turns out she didn't because later she tried to hit him in the face with a water glass in front of her new boyfriend. So I think I'd ask Jesus if I should try to help my parents get along, or if I should just ignore them and get on with my life like my grandmother says I should."

"Now, honey," Mrs. Lapp said calmly, and touched her fingertips to her heart, "Jesus taught us to always tell the truth."

"I am telling the truth," I insisted. "My family is scaring me a little bit. I used to think they were normal, but now I'm thinking they are something other than normal."